I was quite emotional on your first birthday. It came up so fast, I wasnt ready for it. I feel like this year has had some up's and down's and it's been no secret that you have been a difficult baby for me. I remember on countless occassions, I would think to myself, "I wish you would just get older and we could pass through all this baby stuff." But the truth is, we made it, and I really feel like we are connected in a way I have never been with anyone else. For 1 whole year, it was ONLY me that could soothe you. I was your source of food, and because you would not take a bottle or a pacificier, it was just the two of us for all your needs in the beginning. Now that it has been one whole year, I would go back and do it all over again for you. Sure it was hard, but you made it feel so rewarding, and I feel incredibly blessed. My heart is SO SO SO full, Weston, and I have you to thank for that.
In the last 6 weeks, you have met every single milestone. Dr. Tang (your pediatrician) still agrees with me that you are stubborn, and you are, but there are so many things I love about you. You are cautious - you know that old saying, think before you leap? That is something you have practiced since birth. You do things slowly, but once you figure out how to master them, it's on! It's really amazing to see you thinking things over....this is how it was with walking. As predicted you took your first steps at 11 months. But you took your time. Little baby steps, nothing too crazy. Daddy and I would practice with you after dinner every evening by sitting on the ground, having you walk to and from our laps (arms wide open). Each night we made the space between us a bit bigger and finally you were mastering that no problem. But you weren't fully ready yet. So you crawled when you wanted to get somewhere or didn't feel safe. Finally at 12 months, you were ready to walk everywhere. You had a funny little walk. Arms were bent at the elbow, raised up, with hands out in front to help you balance. This mode of transportation has fueled your independence. While you have always been curious about things around you, you can know walk all over and explore. We've been to story time at the Tustin library and it's always in a big room full of parents and kids. When I put you down on the ground - off you go. Usually to say hello to another little dude your age, or just to wander. This is important to me that you have this independence about you. Its bitter sweet. I want you to be independent - absolutely - but I have grown attached to you. You hare my little man, my little bubbie, and I adore our time. I know as you get older, bigger, more adventerous, I will have to let you go. That's what is so hard about a first birthday.
You have this infectious smile, with 8 teeth popping through. You have a funny snort when you laugh, and you always are curious when you see Jillian playing with something. You just have to be nosey and get involved. She might now always love it, but you adore her. She adores you too (most of the time). She gets a little over protective of me, but there are times when I sneak peaks of the two of you playing together. She can pick you up now from the back side and carry you. You love it. She also helps pick out your clothes some mornings and she always wants to say good night to you when you go to sleep. No one can make you smile bigger than Jillian.
Speaking of sleep, I'd say we have made some advancements! You have been going down at 8 pm and sleeping 4-6 hour stretches! Usually at this time I bring you into bed with me and we sleep until morning. I think now is the time we need to let you cry it out....I am anxious for you to sleep all night and I know you can do it. Naps are now in your crib in the afternoon from 2-4, and if you are tired in the morning and we are on the go you still sleep in your carseat. I would say you are definitely still taking 2 naps a day, but I don't see that sticking around much longer, only because there are some days you only take 1 nap (the afternoon one).
Another stressful thing for me with you is your eating - I'd say you are sort of a picky eater, but one thing I have finally just LET go of, is your hatred for pureed food. You hate it. You can't stand it. You would get mad at me if I even pulled it out and put it on the table. Gone are the days where I had to do a billion things to distract you so you would chow down at least 2 of those a day. UGH! So we have changed how we feed you. You still eat what we eat at dinner, and for breakfast and lunch you get table foods. You also LOVE to hold a spoon or fork when you eat. You want to be JUST like us, which is why I think you hate the pureed food. Food you love: waffles, pancakes, goldfish crackers, cereal bars, crackers, cheese, milk, chicken, beans, pasta, sausage, broccoli (sometimes), hot dogs, corn. I wish you would eat more veggies and fruits but you are just not interested. You get about 6-8 ounces of whole milk through your sippy cup. Funny story about you mastering the straw - that took forever, and you still aren't that great at it. You take big sips and then half the milk comes spilling out your mouth. This is absolutely hysterical. Of course I was stressed you weren't getting enough milk, but like all other things with you, I have had to let it go and just go with the flow. Your dad is always telling me "just relax."
In the past year, it's easy to look back and reflect on how you have made me a better mom. I was able to grow right along side you - molding you, teaching you, helping you absorb the world around you. In turn you helped me slow down and to take the small moments and cherish them. I learned that even if I had a bad day, and the house was a mess, and I barely had time to brush my teeth, that for a fleeting second of watching you smile and be completely happy nothing could top it. I would rather spend my days knowing that these magical moments, as simple as they are, make EVERYTHING (all the hard times) worth it.
You are perfection in my eyes. There is nothing more I can say to you other than I love you with every inch of my being. This heart of mine is yours, and I know you will move mountains in your life. Here's to your first birthday and to many, many more.....
Love you always,
Mom
No comments:
New comments are not allowed.